Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
