Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
