the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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