It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
