He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
