if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
