whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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