Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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