You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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