I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
