sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so let's talk penis.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
