you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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