The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
