I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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