i was born a porn star she said
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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