did you get engaged???
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
