I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
