i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
