my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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