i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
