my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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