its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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