No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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