I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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