WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Randomize
