Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
