You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Where is the hickey?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
