ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
