I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
