Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You need a sexual gate keeper
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
