I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
