conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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