Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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