suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
