One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
