I'm drive I can fine osifer
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
