oh fat girl friday strikes again...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
