Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
