u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
