This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
