Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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