Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
