I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
