Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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