the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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