you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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