after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
