Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
