so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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