Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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