Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
