why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
