i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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