You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
