i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
