I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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