I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
is wine microwaveable?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
