Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
