I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
