oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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