It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
