Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
