The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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