3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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