Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
