you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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