There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
