New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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