you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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