Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
