I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
