Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?

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  (817): why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"? http://tfl.nu/jsyi
  Replies (12) Good night (2586) Bad night (665)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food

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  (720): Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food http://tfl.nu/f7o2
  Replies (121) Good night (7732) Bad night (1786)
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  (310): View more from California

  i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"

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  (310): i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto" http://tfl.nu/o359
  Replies (18) Good night (797) Bad night (4556)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.

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  (224): Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like. http://tfl.nu/j59v
  Replies (26) Good night (6943) Bad night (1390)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.

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  (403): Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me. http://tfl.nu/6qnx
  Replies (23) Good night (11564) Bad night (1382)
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  (682): View more from Texas

  There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops

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  (682): There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops http://tfl.nu/zics
  Replies (5) Good night (1370) Bad night (2658)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."

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  (919): Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform." http://tfl.nu/nw1x
  Replies (11) Good night (5504) Bad night (1006)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?

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  (317): I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it? http://tfl.nu/wfmi
  Replies (11) Good night (3851) Bad night (830)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...

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  (317): His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip... http://tfl.nu/pj0o
  Replies (7) Good night (1803) Bad night (974)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.

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  (817): Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence. http://tfl.nu/yx0o
  Replies (4) Good night (2144) Bad night (591)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.

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  (704): Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox. http://tfl.nu/wyx0
  Replies (18) Good night (1481) Bad night (3808)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character

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  (920): He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character http://tfl.nu/qsh8
  Replies (4) Good night (1660) Bad night (556)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the manischevitz sangria was a big hit

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  (202): the manischevitz sangria was a big hit http://tfl.nu/msd0
  Replies (3) Good night (490) Bad night (346)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!

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  (816): Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this! http://tfl.nu/4lfv
  Replies (1) Good night (704) Bad night (343)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.

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  (773): I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out. http://tfl.nu/obyo
  Replies (4) Good night (313) Bad night (473)

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