Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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