Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
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I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
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I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.