Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
