Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one

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(808): View more from Hawaii

I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.

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(231): View more from Michigan

You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.

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(416): View more from Toronto

drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(919): View more from North Carolina

All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.

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(406): View more from Montana

i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.

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(301): View more from Maryland

The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...

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(919): View more from North Carolina

How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?

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