we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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