ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.