Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.

(1-857): View more from Massachusetts

Doors?

(857): View more from Massachusetts

Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.

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(857): I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now. (1-857): Doors? (857): Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet. http://tfl.nu/ic4r

Replies (6) Good night (2348) Bad night (898)
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(914): View more from New York

she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.

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(914): she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice. http://tfl.nu/tgnz

Replies (12) Good night (621) Bad night (3930)
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(727): View more from Florida

So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend

(1-727): View more from Florida

Awkward

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(727): So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend (1-727): Awkward http://tfl.nu/j0vr

Replies (13) Good night (719) Bad night (3202)
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(410): View more from Maryland

best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend

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(410): best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend http://tfl.nu/u596

Replies (23) Good night (4716) Bad night (735)
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(404): View more from Georgia

I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.

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(404): I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced. http://tfl.nu/ok17

Replies (23) Good night (5054) Bad night (581)
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(805): View more from California

Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are

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(805): Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are http://tfl.nu/ste8

Replies (16) Good night (6626) Bad night (791)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"

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(630): Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind" http://tfl.nu/dke2

Replies (17) Good night (5015) Bad night (1065)
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(417): View more from Missouri

This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.

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(417): This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer. http://tfl.nu/gsk7

Replies (10) Good night (3492) Bad night (991)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.

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(317): Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success. http://tfl.nu/9gb8

Replies (9) Good night (3885) Bad night (1153)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.

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(248): Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers. http://tfl.nu/psr6

Replies (4) Good night (2324) Bad night (1146)
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(631): View more from New York

I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?

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(631): I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic? http://tfl.nu/b6xp

Replies (6) Good night (2280) Bad night (740)
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(518): View more from New York

Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.

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(518): Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone. http://tfl.nu/sx9j

Replies (10) Good night (800) Bad night (1410)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun

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(615): The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun http://tfl.nu/o67z

Replies (4) Good night (1466) Bad night (819)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk

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(780): It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk http://tfl.nu/34yj

Replies (8) Good night (907) Bad night (415)
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(206): View more from Washington

I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.

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(206): I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family. http://tfl.nu/468g

Replies (1) Good night (1456) Bad night (406)

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