his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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