No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
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you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that