I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
is wine microwaveable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize